If I told you that we were destined to be, would you leave me?
Hmm, does love exist? I'm not talking about the family love, or the best friend love. I'm talking full blown, I wanna be with you for the rest of my life, love. Is that even achievable? Because it seems to me that every time someone I know finds it, it vanishes within three years. Is that what love is? A year or two of happiness followed by misery until you find the next person you love. If it does exist, does everyone find it? Because, I've known people who've been "in love" more then once, it's not fair. I haven't found it. I guess I've had all the dumb signs that people say you get when you're in love. Like the butterflies in the stomach, the heart stopping kisses, the stupid little heart drawings everywhere. I've had that before, fuck I have that now! It doesn't mean shit. Can you even describe love? Does it even work like that? I mean, I guess I could try and possibly fail at telling him how great he is. I guess I could tell him every second of everyday that he's all I want to be thinking about. I guess I could sit back and watch him be happy with someone else, because I know that's the only way he'll be happy. I guess I could do all that shit, but does that mean I'm in love? If I feel like my heart is going to explode every time we are close, does that make me qualify to use the term love? Am I allowed to say it to him when he's sad and mad when I don't know what it means. I just know I feel something stupid and new that I don't like. Can I use it then? Or is it that this is really nothing at all and this is just going threw my head because I'm growing up and "my body is changing". I really can't tell. It's driving me nuts, I just wanna know. Does it exist or not? And if it does, am I as screwed as every one says I am?
Damn. You are such a good writer, I understood every word of this and have often wondered it myself. Kiki, you'll find someone who loves you just as much as you love them, and I've never been in love, but I know that it must exist somehow. Look at all of those old folks who have been together for fucking ever, and are still together and still love each other like they did when they were young. It has to exist.
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