I crossed it off my list.

I told him, everything. I just said it. I don't feel better, in fact I think I feel worse. Wanna know why? Because as usual I got my hopes up. Thinking, oh well maybe he's changed. Maybe he does feel the way he acts. Maybe maybe maybe. Maybe is a bullshit word and it needs to die. End of story. I hate telling people how I feel, I wasn't even planning on telling him. But it needed to be crossed off my list. Fuck. I pore my heart and soul into a goddamn paragraph, which is not easy need I add, and what happens? Nothing. He just tells me something I already know and then tells me something I don't want to here. Fuckin' great shit right? Not. You know the thing that pisses me off? I totally stopped thinking about him over the summer. I was with Jakob, everything was dandy and happy. Then shit hits and the fan, I lose a best friend and I have to be reminded of him. Ah. Not cool. Now when I'm with Jakob he's there too. Don't get me wrong I love love love seeing him. I just fuckin' hate it haha. Makes sense right? Not. He's just him. I love it and I hate it. I really can't decide. Something about him is so addictive. This is going to ruin me, I can soo tell. Just being friends with him is going to lead to some bad shit. It always does. But I don't care, life makes sense when I'm with him. Ha. I understand my thoughts and I can be happy. Just like with Jakob :D But that's just a friend thing. This feeling is like more, I guess. I really can't stand to see him in pain. I hate it, she treats him like shit. Just forget about her already. Be happy with me :(