You're No Hero of Mine -- Mike's song.

I trusted everything you said.
I believed you, I promise I did.
I know you better then you do.
I know how you play these games.

Flutter your eyes and beat on your chest.
I’m one who is so easily impressed.
Flash your pretty colors and play the game.
I’ll sit and watch, knowing it’s all the same.

I know your just like the rest.
You couldn’t even pass that one stupid little test.
But I’ll put on a show, just for you.
Just so you know, I can play the game too.

Flutter your eyes and beat on your chest.
I’m one who is so easily impressed.
Flash your pretty colors and play the game.
I’ll sit and watch, knowing it’s all the same.

If you honestly think I’m going to fall for your lies.
You’ve got another thing coming, it’ll be quite a surprise.
I looked up to you, I told you everything I needed to say.
And yet you sit here and pretend like she was nothing to this very day.

I’m not the same stupid little girl I was before.
I refuse to be your nasty rebound whore.
I won’t cry over you because you’re all the same.
I just love fuckin’ you over in your own little game.

Sweetheart I promise, you’re no hero of mine.
I’ll repeat it until it’s true, I know I’ll never want be with you.

Crap.

"I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not."

I'm nervous. I can't tell you why, for I don't know myself. I've got this feeling in my stomach that something is going to happen. It's weird and lame, and I don't know what to do. It's weird. I'm weird.

I guess I haven't posted a blog in forever.

So, I was the lunch table 3rd mod with the normal peoples. Me and Alex (Chink) were talking and he was like, hey did you fuck Brittani's brother? I was kinda sorta stunned. I didn't know what to say, so I just denied it. I wanted to know who said told him that, and he claimed he didn't remember. I was like baffled and then Jakob came to my rescue, again. He was all like "That's not true who said that? There's gunna get an ass kicking" All the good jazz that a best friend does. I'm still kinda like woah about it. Don't people have better things to talk about? This upsets me greatly, if I trusted you enough to tell you something like that, don't fuckin' tell other people. I'ma find out who told him, word to the wise.

Cock sucking mother fucker.

I don't like it when you make fun of me, I honestly don't know you well enough not to take it to heart everytime you say something stupid. Like what the fuck, just because everyone else says shit doesn't mean you can. They're my best friends and have been threw alotta shit with me, unlike you. I don't know you, stop talking shit. It's annoying and not cool. You're not cool.

If you think by making fun of me that you're going to get more confidence, you're wrong.

Fuck off.

You were the heart of me, can't believe you let it break.

Was her name running threw your mind when you said you loved me?
Did her face show up when you said you cared?

I don't know what I have to do for you to notice me, but I'm not trying anymore. Everyone was right about you, everyone. They told me that you'd do this, but I didn't listen because it was you. You who loves me so much. You who makes me smile so big. You who fucked me over one to many times. You. I've cried over you so much, it's retarded. I don't know why I'm so infatuated with you, but I'm done with every part of you. I cried my last time for you, I've said my last I love you. I'm not doing this shit anymore. Thank you so much for asking for my heart, taking it throwing it on the ground stomping on it and then doing the shit all over again. Fuck you. How fucked up is it to use your 'best friend'? Like really, you know how I felt about you, you know I would have done anything for you. Why would you make me think that something was going to happen? What the fuck is wrong with you? Just because you've been hurt by people doesn't mean you can hurt me. I'm the one who picked your sorry ass up every time you fell the fuck down. I'm the one who listened to you talk about being happy with someone else for the longest time. I fuckin' did all the shit you claim to do for her. You know what, I'm not even mad at you. I'm livid with myself, how can I be so stupid as to actually think that you changed? I'm so fuckin' stupid. Gawd, I can't believe I trusted you. I can't believe that for one second I believed what you said. I really don't know how I became so stupid, but I'm not anymore. I've got all the dick I need and I certainly don't need yours. You are nothing to me.

Eric, my sights are all on you now.
**Wish me luck?

I was too chicken to have this not private when I wrote it, now I don't give a shit.

Instant connections often break
No way to tell if this is gunna be great.
I can't change the past, I won't change the future.
If you can look at me and see
What I see, then maybe, just maybe.

No eyes tell lies, no mouth speaks the truth.
Nothing to live for, nothing to lose.
Baby we got this, no time to spare.
Let's ruin this world, while we're still here.

With that knife in hand, he stepped to my heart
Still beating, still loving, still pulsing like art.
Not looking at me, he spoke those words.
Now honey, we all know you're too young to fall in love
But maybe, just maybe you'll find a way to forgive me some day.

No eyes tell lies, no mouth speaks the truth.
Nothing to live for, nothing to lose.
Baby we got this, no time to spare.
Let's ruin this world, while we're still here.

No time to forgive, let's just forget.
I knew falling for you was something I'd regret.
I won't make a fuss, I won't make a scene.
I won't even give you that last little lean.
Honey, I understand.
It's okay, I'll learn to live another day.

No eyes tell lies, no mouth speaks the truth.
Nothing to live for, nothing to lose.
Baby we got this, no time to spare.
Let's ruin this world, while we're still here.

He then did something I did not expect.
He pulled me into this arms, while I wept and wept.
He softly whispered into my ear, something I was too young to hear:
I love you kid, let's just say
Maybe just maybe, you'll learn to stay away.

-(Help me pick a name?)

The Petals Say Yes (:

Ah, wanna know what makes me happy? You do. :D I dunno hahaha. You look really really good without your fences (: I love it. But I realized something today, I don't like you as much as I thought I did :D And this is great because that means I'm not like ubber creepy. I'm not infatuated with you, I just like you. Like crush wise. 'Tis great :D Otay, I'm done now, bye <3

I think about you all the time (:

I caught my self thinking about you on the drive to school today. I don't know what it means but now that I think about it, I dreamt about you last night too. Is that creeper - like? Am I weird for that? I hope not. I'm really anxious to see you again, today is one of the best days of the week because every time I'm open I get to see your smile (: Ah, how I love that smile, even if it's fenced in (: Ahaha, stupid crushes, they drive me crazy. I think I'ma start wishing for this kid (:

♥

Maybe we're not meant to be.

If I told you that we were destined to be, would you leave me?

Hmm, does love exist? I'm not talking about the family love, or the best friend love. I'm talking full blown, I wanna be with you for the rest of my life, love. Is that even achievable? Because it seems to me that every time someone I know finds it, it vanishes within three years. Is that what love is? A year or two of happiness followed by misery until you find the next person you love. If it does exist, does everyone find it? Because, I've known people who've been "in love" more then once, it's not fair. I haven't found it. I guess I've had all the dumb signs that people say you get when you're in love. Like the butterflies in the stomach, the heart stopping kisses, the stupid little heart drawings everywhere. I've had that before, fuck I have that now! It doesn't mean shit. Can you even describe love? Does it even work like that? I mean, I guess I could try and possibly fail at telling him how great he is. I guess I could tell him every second of everyday that he's all I want to be thinking about. I guess I could sit back and watch him be happy with someone else, because I know that's the only way he'll be happy. I guess I could do all that shit, but does that mean I'm in love? If I feel like my heart is going to explode every time we are close, does that make me qualify to use the term love? Am I allowed to say it to him when he's sad and mad when I don't know what it means. I just know I feel something stupid and new that I don't like. Can I use it then? Or is it that this is really nothing at all and this is just going threw my head because I'm growing up and "my body is changing". I really can't tell. It's driving me nuts, I just wanna know. Does it exist or not? And if it does, am I as screwed as every one says I am?

I'm worried.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

asdfghjkl; You mean more to me then I care to share.

♥

Gah.

I'm sitting here in US History and my teacher is droning on and on and on. Fuck, it's annoy. He never shuts up o.o Like seriously he needs to take a breath.

Brooke inspired me to write.

Ahaha, her reading makes me wanna write another one ha. I love her with my whole heart. Words can't explain how happy am I that we're talking again, you don't even know kid :D

So on to the post, I guess. First order is I might start passing American Government o.o Crazy shit right? I think so. But I'ma G and finished a project that I had 3 weeks to do in one sitting. Pfft, yes. I'm the shit, haha. I kid I kid. But my teacher is gunna shit a brick ahah. It's probably all done wrong and I'm not presenting it o.0 but it's the fact that I did it on time that matters to me :D

Second order is boys are confusing. I gave up on one and it's extremely nice. I like it alot ha. Wow, I sounded retarded there but I don't care because he's lame and doesn't know when to give up himself. **Note to you, maybe she's happier the way things are now? Ever think of what she wants? Dumbass. Ah, So yes. I'm done with that one. And just when I'm about to be done with the other, he sweeps me off my feet :D He makes me happy just when I start to get mad and he knows my buttons and how many times to push them. I hates it(: Ah, being attached to someone is overrated. So I'ma just let this one flow. Hangout and be a slut for a few weeks, see how that goes for me. (:

Third order, of whatever. I hate who I used to be. Like so much. I was an uptight bitch who a stick up my ass every goddamn day. I dunno how or why Johnnie has been friends with me this whole time, but I commend him. He seriously put up with some unnecessary shit. You're a good bean man and I love every inch of you(:

Fourth thingy magiger. I'm fuckin' excited for Halloween! 'Shrooms mmm(: I'm kinda scared to try them, but if something happens I'll just call someone to pick me up, so if I call and I'm crying there is something seriously wrong o.o Ahaha, I'm still excited though. Me and Alicia, seven years! Crazy shit right? I know. Ahahaha.

So the last thing is about my book, that I'm burning. For those who actually want to read it, I'm down with that, but I'd like it if you didn't ask questions. They won't be answered, for anyone o.o 'Kay? 'Kay. There's a whole bunch of random song lyrics in there. Most of the repeat and there's like a 5 page love letter o.o That's the reason I'm burning it ahaha. 'Tis lame, I know.

-Let's ruin this place (;

Good song. Like truly good song.

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?


**Leann Rimes; How Do I

Is there anyway to make these private?

If so I want too. I'm just in that kinda mood. I keep typing things and then deleting them. I dunno why, but today I just hate myself. I can't figure out the right words to explain it. I hates it. It's my stupid brain not wanting to function the way I want it too. I don't understand the ethics in making people different skin colors. I really don't, whatever made "us" is a fuckin' douche who needs to die. And whose ever idea it was the give "us" emotions was an idiot. No one wants to feel love, no one wants to feel pain or hate. Nobody actually wants that. Wanna know why? Because it's all bullshit, all of it. People just end up getting shot down or hurt. Like what the fuck, why would "we" allow our selves to feel like that? The good days are never worth the bad days, no matter what people fuckin' tell you. Love is not worth the pain, and hate is just a worthless emotion people use as an excuse to be fuckin' idiots. I understand that you hate me and everything that I am, you don't have to tell me every time you see me. You don't have to point it out in the hallways. You don't have to snicker with your friends about it. I get that you're an immature asshole who doesn't have feelings. I understand that it makes you "cool" to hate people who might actually care about you. I really truly understand now. I was born this way, do you honestly think that I would go threw this everyday if I had a choose? I can't fix the way I look, I can't magically be what you want me to be, I swear if I could I would. But dude, I can't. This is who I am. I dunno what's makes you think there's something wrong with me but it makes me think there's something wrong with me. There's nothing I can do about what I look like. I wish there was just one thing, but there's not. You know how to bring me to my knees. I'm never going to get over this, I dunno how to. What makes you so much better then me? I truly want to know, I dunno anymore. Maybe I was meant to never fit in.

-I'll forever be, the person I never wanted to see.

Hey guess what!

I hate my face. Otay, I'm done.

Today's Post.

"Talk to me, I'm torn.

I could get lost in a voice like yours."

-Tell me if I'm wrong or right. Tell me if I can stay tonight. It's in the way that you fool everyone when you're falling in love again, so tell me how this ends. 'Cause you're the only one. And know one knows you like I do, they don't see you like I do baby. They'll try too woah if only they knew. They'll never come close to you, they'll never come close to you.-

Ah, I love that song haha. So I have news. I'm giving up on Eric, haha. He just doesn't seem like he likes me, and surprisingly I'm chill with that. He's a cool flirt buddy or whatever you wanna call it, but he doesn't like me enough to be more, ha.

I think I'm going to burn my writing notebook. There's too much stuff in it, ha. Too many things I don't want people to read. So I'ma burn it when it's filled. Although I don't want people reading it I still want some critics or reviews on it, weird ha. So ask me to read it before I burn it(:

So, dude. You're confusing, and amazing and I really don't know what to do when I'm with you. Gah, you're lame. f;alskjdf;laks. Stop being the person you are, fucker. Ah, loved you once, love you still, always have and always will<3

Hmm, thoughts.

"As soon as forever is threw,

That's when I'll be over you"

It's raining out, so there's no way for me to feel down. I've got so much on my mind I just want to sleep and never think again. But apparently that's bad and we shouldn't do it. I'm in the writing mood I guess so I'm going to write down my thoughts. Names will be starred out and if you ask I might tell you, then again I might not. Don't take offense.

Holy shit did you know you could change the font color?!

I didn't(:

Alrighty I'm going to start with how much I hate talk to **** now. Like what the fuck happened? We were close like last month! Now all you do is rub the fact that you talk to **** in my face. What the fuck is that shit? I don't want to hear what you guys are talking about on the phone. I don't want to hear every time he calls you pretty. I don't want to hear about all that shit. I know you're just trying to piss me off and trust me honey it's working. You're such a bitch. You got mad at **** for doing the same thing you did to me. The only difference is they're dating now. Get the fuck over it, I have. Fuckin' a. I should of stopped being friends with you the second I knew you liked him, because I know you. And I know how you act. You do it with **** too. Honestly, it's seems like you only go for the guys that I like. It's ridiculous. I don't tell you things because you get mad at me for liking people. You blow everything out of proportion and you want attention way too much. **** doesn't like you. Get the fuck over it, he's happy with ****. Stop trying to ruin that for him. Fuck. Oh and stop getting all jealous when he answers my phone calls and not yours. It's probably because you're annoying as fuck and he doesn't want to talk to you! He's allowed to talk to me too, he was my best friend before he was yours. You know what, just go fuck yourself.

You're lame. You're lame. You're lame. I miss you already and it's only been a day. Damnitt, dude. Why can't you learn from your mistakes?

This is your favorite color. Or at least it was the last time we were friends. Ha. I miss us. Even if we never really labeled it that way. I miss our cuddles and kisses. I miss the way you talked to me. I miss the feeling I get when I knew you were looking at me. I miss holding your hand and sitting on your lap. I miss it all. I know you're unhappy right now, but maybe you just need to try and be happy. And if that doesn't work, hey we tried right? I just miss you.

**** you're fuckin' annoying, stop talking to me. Like now. I hate that I have to see you every other day. >:l

BEST FRIEND! BEST FRIEND! BEST FRIEND! I love you with my whole heart. Every single bit of it. I don't know why, but you're the closest thing I have right now. I don't need anyone else, as long as I have you. Weird, but I like it that way. Niggatrick<3>

I really wanna smoke a cigarette right now. You don't even know. Fuck. I shall do it in the morning.

Hmm, I think I need to do like 3 projects, but I truly don't want to do them. So I'm not. Surprised? I'm not.

I hate not having money, soo much. Fuck I wanna go to this concert soo bad! Like damnitt, this is bullshit. Fuck my mom. She's a nasty whore.

This concludes my thoughts for now. Sweet dreams?

I crossed it off my list.

I told him, everything. I just said it. I don't feel better, in fact I think I feel worse. Wanna know why? Because as usual I got my hopes up. Thinking, oh well maybe he's changed. Maybe he does feel the way he acts. Maybe maybe maybe. Maybe is a bullshit word and it needs to die. End of story. I hate telling people how I feel, I wasn't even planning on telling him. But it needed to be crossed off my list. Fuck. I pore my heart and soul into a goddamn paragraph, which is not easy need I add, and what happens? Nothing. He just tells me something I already know and then tells me something I don't want to here. Fuckin' great shit right? Not. You know the thing that pisses me off? I totally stopped thinking about him over the summer. I was with Jakob, everything was dandy and happy. Then shit hits and the fan, I lose a best friend and I have to be reminded of him. Ah. Not cool. Now when I'm with Jakob he's there too. Don't get me wrong I love love love seeing him. I just fuckin' hate it haha. Makes sense right? Not. He's just him. I love it and I hate it. I really can't decide. Something about him is so addictive. This is going to ruin me, I can soo tell. Just being friends with him is going to lead to some bad shit. It always does. But I don't care, life makes sense when I'm with him. Ha. I understand my thoughts and I can be happy. Just like with Jakob :D But that's just a friend thing. This feeling is like more, I guess. I really can't stand to see him in pain. I hate it, she treats him like shit. Just forget about her already. Be happy with me :(

Thank you so much.

"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love."

Yes, that's all you. Don't deny it, we all know how you are. Blah yes. So here's my list of shit I wanna do before I'm 30.

ToDoList:
-Get FIRST tattoo with Jakob
-Do acid with Eric
-Do shrooms with Ladeybug
-Smoke out of a vaporizer
-Do X with Eric (Just Eric, fuck Jakey.)
-Smoke with Corpse Grinder
-Play bass
-Meet David Drainmen
-Beat Johnnie at Beer Pong
-Tell him everything
-Kill SD
-Sky dive
-Get own pipe/bong
-Smoke a bowl with Jakob (then paint his nails.)
-Play Nut Ball
-Get a job
-Produce one of my songs
-Fall in love (and stay that way)
-Roll a blunt
-Meet people who accept every part of me
-Get 6 tattoos
-Piercings: Tongue/Spider bites
-Win a game of Quarters
-Drive Oscar Meyer Truck
-Drink Colt 45
-Pick up Baby and take her to town(:<
-Touch a beating heart
-Beat Jakob at everything
(more to come)

When I hit 30 I'm supposed to go to every state and fuck one guy. Then when that's complete I'm going to every country.
**(Jakob's idea o.o)

Bold = Done.

I was wrong.

I was soo wrong. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I even agree to this. I know who I am, I know how to make myself happy, this is not the way. Gawd, I totally set myself up for heartbreak here. I know how he is with other girls, I've seen the way he acts. He's not going to change for me, I'm no different. He's going to get bored and drop me like the nothingness I am. Fuck, I'm so stupid. I honestly don't know what I thought it would ever work. Either way this is going to end bad, I'm going to chicken out not wanting to be left in the dust. End result we aren't friends. I stick with my choice, get heart broken and cry lots and lots. End result we aren't friends. Either way, I'm screwed beyond all reasonable doubt. I dunno what to do, I'm stuck. I don't want him mad at me. sdfgfvcfghh. What do I do?

Kidnap?

So, lunch with the normal group. 'Twas nice. This fat guy in a little coat was on this lifty thingy and Brittani and I were going to take the key so he'd be stuck, but another dude came back. Square, I know. So the bell rings and Eric O Lade is throwing this stuff away, I grab this jacket, being the G that I am. But when I turned around to see if he noticed, I see Ashley booking it with Eric O Lade's backpack. 'Twas epic! Brittani came up and was being a look out and shit. It was scary because Eric O Lade is a mass murderer. Anywho, I got into french, by this this I had his backpack and his jacket(:
So the reason why the title of this blog is kidnap is because Ashley and I kidnapped Eric O Lade's stuff, ran for our lives (literally) and made a clean get away. All during passing period(:

Asdfghjkl;

I think I lost two of my best friends. Joy.

Read me?

I'm so behind in school work it sucks. I need to get motivated. Blah, enough about school. I've got some shit on my mind that is annoying. So I'ma like vent I guess. So number one, who the fuck are you to come at me saying that I'ma whore? Really no. Just because I don't wanna jump on your dick doesn't mean I'm a whore. Fuckin' idiot, get over yourself. Number two, the chick sitting next to me is about to get punched, her laugh is soo annoying! Her laugh makes me wanna die. No joke. Ah. Number three, people are fuckin' stupid. They need to get a fuckin' brain. Number four, I'm spinning while falling down and now I'm begging you to stay. Ah, that song plus Jakob's name keeps running threw my head. I dunno why. He's still my best friend, no matter what. Ha, I'm nervous for no reason. I'm so excited too dude! Hanging with my boys after school, it's gunna be bomb shit :D By the way, I'm in love.(;

Random Thoughts.

So I stole this idea from Ashley, ha. (; It's just a bunch of shit floating in my head.

I wonder if I'll ever see Terry again, and if I do will I punch him or hug him? Do I want to see him again? No. He takes of too much time, and it's all wasted. I hate wasting time. It's square.

For some reason, lately I don't care about the fact that I'm likely to get brain cancer when I'm 40. I just don't give a fuck, I don't plan on living that long anyways.

When will I find out if Eric likes me? I get so confused with him, it's crazy. He keeps me on my toes, and I love that. I'm constantly thinking when I'm around this kid(: Ah, I like this kid. Fail on my part? Yes. Why? Because he is way too good for me.

Hmm, I hope Jasmine and Jakob last a long time. He's happy with her and it's helping me see him as just my best friend and I like it that way. He's still amazing though, there's no denying that.

Johnnie is my bud. I love this kid mucho mucho. He's always been my best friend and always will be<3

My mom's coming over to dinner tonight, yuck.

I hate everything about this school, NOT.

I can't wait for me and Baby to get married. I love her soo much :D. November 16 all the way! :D

I'm wearing my second favorite underwear today(: They is amazing :D

Why is it that math is so gay? I mean really we already know everything we need to know to get by in life. That's so square. Fuck Math.

And Literature.

And Science.

My HB teacher is being mean today.

**I'm done now.

Fuck love? I thinks yes.

Everyone is sad about there love life and all these things. And it makes me happy that I don't have one, ha. Like seriously, I get jealous way too easily and I get hurt even easier. It's just stupid for me to fall in love. I don't think I get the concept of having someone forever, it doesn't seem fair, to keep that one person for the rest of your life, not sharing him with everyone else. Of course I wouldn't ever want to share, but it's still sad. I think I'm just gunna become that one girl who hangs out with all boys and forgets about love. Who needs it, I already have all I dick I need in life. And I'm in love with all my best friends, what more could I ask for? I'm not going to try and look anymore. If for some random retarded reason a boy wants to be with me and only me, I think I might try it for the hell of it. But this dude should be warned, I fall ubber quickly and if he hurts me I will not hesitate to have his ass kicked. Like I said, my best friends are boys. But still. Love is overrated and I guess I'm only saying that because I don't have anybody to love, but oh well. What are you gunna do? It's high school, I don't want a fuckin' soul mate. Just someone to make me smile when I'm sad and to be honest I already have that. So I guess I'm set for the rest of my days. Fuck being in love, you just end up hurt anyways.

Dudes.

Today is a good day. I love my boys and I have Eric's NEW sharpie, still(: Ahaha. This makes me happy. Do my poll?

The Things You've Done To Thee.

First I'll tie you up, and play like nothing's wrong.

Then I'll stay, all the while thinking about what you've done to me.

Contemplating the pain I'm about to inflict, I'll go get my things.

Round up my shit and some of yours, clean get-aways are always the best.

Ah, the things you've done to thee.

I cut off your ears, for all the the lies I had to listen too.

I sewed your eyes open so you could see what I've become.

I ripped out your voice box, so I wouldn't have to hear that seductive cry.

All the while looking into your eyes, pray to your god I don't kill you.

My things are together, my hearts at your feet.

Some would say I did it to hurt you, I say I did it for love.

I'm walking, leaving, gasping for breath.

In a bag awaits a heart, for your true lover who plays the part.

Ah, the things you've done to thee.

I cut off your ears, for all the the lies I had to listen too.

I sewed your eyes open so you could see what I've become.

I ripped out your voice box, so I wouldn't have to hear that seductive cry.

I cut out your heart and put it in a bag, left that shit for Susie, you're new pussy.

I hope she cries, I know she'll scream.

Maybe she'll think twice before fucking with me.

Ah, the things you've done to thee.

**Old song, I'd like your opinion please.

The Devil

"I'm frustrated,

I can't believe you aren't the one."

**Bullet For My Valentine<3

I'm probably going to be jumping around a lot with this blog, my apologizes. First order of business, I'm grounded until the end of November 2nd, I know lame sauce right? I don't really feel like explaining why, but you should already know. Second order, I'm in a fantastic mood today. No joke, I'm high on life right now. I've got cancer sticks and I'm ready to fuck up my lungs. News on boys is the next topic, I guess. Hmm, what to say. I don't think Eric likes me, which makes me sad but then again I'm not too sad because I just don't care anymore. I really do like this kid, but if he doesn't like me there's really nothing I can do. Time to move on? I don't know yet. There's a 1% chance I've got a shot with him, I think I'll keep trying until that 1 hits 0. I think I had a chance with him, but I was so wrapped up on Jakob that I didn't think to be happy with someone else, ha. Fail on my part. Hmm, I would ask him, but he doesn't have email and there's no way I'm going to be rejected in person. Not cool. Third order of business are my boys(: They're amazing, I love them so much! Fourth order is me and Brittani are getting married! Yes, I love her we shall wed soon :D Happy dance? I think yes. Me and Matthew are talking, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna get in over my head with his kid. I'm like seriously terrified of getting hurt by him again. He's done the most damage, whether I want to admit it or not. This is hard. I'm done for now.

I've been beaten down.

"I've been kicked around

But he takes it all for me."

So, Eric made my day. I was outside and shit and he came running up to me and gave me a hug. 'Twas nice, very nice. He's such a cool bean, like seriously. I gets bubbly whenever I'm around him. Ahaha, this is going to end badly, I can feel it. But you know what? I don't care. Wanna know why? Because caring only makes things hurt more. Grrz, I'm annoyed. People are fuckin' dumb. Like seriously the world doesn't revolve around you. Fuckin' drop it already, not everyone has to pay attention to you, fuck. I had a semi good day today, it rained so that made it all the better. Fuckin' Barker made my day though, him and his Venom :D I love that kid :D Going to Jakob's tomorrow with Johnnie I thinks. It'll be bomb shit. I'm colder then balls dude. It's not even funny. I took a shower and I still smell like hot boys :D I love it :D

To Jakob:

So my friend, for some reason I'm totally down with you dating Jasmine. Which is weird, but I only want you to be happy. I mean when you genuinely like someone that's all you want for them is happiness. So I guess my mind is telling me you're happy with Jasmine(: But yes, I just wanted to tell you that since you're getting some much shit from other people about it. You're my best friend and always will be :D I love you, Niggatrick(:

I'm venting my feelings.

"We're stuck in a whole filled with our fate.

I know we're gunna die, I just can't wait."

I'm actually going to start writing blogs again. They help me vent, a lot. Today started out as a day like any other. I came to school, smelt every boy in my cult and was happy for most of the day. Then Alicia tells me news that brings me down to a new low, since Terry. I cried, she held me. She is my best friend. I'm a total bitch during American Literature and Human Behavior. **Sorry to the people in there. I skipped out 14th mod, with my girlfriends, Jakob and Eric. Brittani, Jake and Eric went to his van, me and Kennedy talked. I told her my issues and how badly I needed a smoke, she held me while I cried. She is also my best friend. I needed my Johnnie by this time, so I called. He couldn't exit, 'twas sad. I found a death stick and light that shit up quick. Johnnie came, along with Jasmine and Alicia. For the last time tonight I started to tear up, Johnnie soothes my soul. He is my best friend. I smoke some more with Alicia and Jasmine. Eric had returned by this time, he missed his detention, what a bad ass right? But my dad called and I had to go over to the school again. I held Eric's hand, surprisingly I forgot all about my troubles. He's got an amazing smile. My dad showed up and I had to give him his jacket back, with my phone in it's pocket. Damn my stoner memory. So no phone tonight. Oh well, totally worth it. I'm home now and for some reason, on the way home I kept hoping me and my dad would hit somebody is his big ass truck. It would be amusing and probably make my day. No matter how hard I try I can't help but think there's something wrong with me. I just wanna know what's not good enough. Someone tell me, so it doesn't effect anything else in my life, I can't change it if I don't know what it is. It's driving me crazy and I have to know. Tell me why I'm never good enough? I realize this is a little emo and I'd really like it if you didn't judge. I had a bad day and this is my blog so I can be emo all I want too.

Backstabbing Bitch.

I see you, oh but honey you won't see me.

And when you turn the corner

You'll meet the cement, just like the rest.

You'll cry and scream when I rip your heart out of your chest.

Try and break me now.

You're a backstabbing bitch, don't try to deny.

You got that nasty whore look that's always in your eyes.

Oh honey, you'll pay, for the shit you've done,

I'm going to kill you, like God killed his own son.

I'll play with your guts and cut out your ears

Because baby, I just don't care.

I'm gunna dissect your brain,

And I'm gunna fuck with your thoughts.

I'll show you things you can't be taught.

You're a backstabbing bitch, don't try to deny.

You got that nasty whore look that's always in your eyes.

Oh honey, you'll pay, for the shit you've done,

I'm going to kill you, like God killed his own son.

Bitch I'm going to break your legs,

I'm going to rip out your spine.

Everything that was once yours, is now all mine.

I loved you once, I won't make that mistake again,

Just don't forget you WERE my best friend.

I Have Nothing.

I feel no fear, I have no pain.

No one can break me like he can.

His eyes, his face, his walk, his talk.

They all bring me to my knees.

No one can break me like he can.

He tells me his secrets, he'll play my games.

But he won't give me his heart.

He says that I don't know how to be, just him and me.

What he doesn't know is that for him I'd try.

I feel no fear, I have no pain.

No one can break me like he can.

His eyes, his face, his walk, his talk.

They all bring me to my knees.

No one can break me like he can.

No one can break me like he can.

I can't play this game anymore,

He's got me wrapper around his finger.

I can't help but love him, he's everything.

And when he leaves I'll have nothing.

Vanessa.

Tied with a rope of a thousand screams

Vanessa pleads, Vanessa screams, Vanessa get on her knees.

She's losing her mind, catching her breath.

What will she do when he gets back with that net?

Vanessa loves him not, he knows this now.

She'll cry, she'll scream, she'll pay for what she's done.

She knows now she can't do this to Satan's son.

She flips and she flaps trying to run,

Oh but she knows she can't outrun his gun.

Brought down by bullets to quick to see,

Vanessa pleads one more time on her fuckin' knees.

Vanessa loves him not, he knows this now.

She'll cry, she'll scream, she'll pay for what she's done.

She knows now she can't do this to Satan's son.

Standing over his dear Vanessa he starts to cry.

She's not moving, she's not pleading, she's ready to die.

Wiping his eyes, he raised his gun pulling the trigger,

The deed was finally done.

She knows now she can't do this to Satan's son.

Goodbye Vanessa.